RAW: Pre-Royal Rumble

I watched most of the show in fast-forward (I had recorded it while I watched 24). Even in fast-forward the show was too long and drawn out.

Raw started out with a bang with a good HBK and Edge promo leading up to a street fight. If Edge wasn’t in this storyline, I probably wouldn’t care about it. The street fight was pretty good with some painful looking spots. It lead up to a Randy Orton run in to save Edge followed by a series of events reminding us that the Royal Rumble was coming up this Sunday. Plenty of people were thrown over the top rope with HBK standing tall after superkicking everybody in sight.

Face champ + Heel boss? I’m pretty sick of this combo. It worked a couple of times, but a change would be nice. The Vince promos must stop. He wanted to read a letter? That is the promo? Bleh. Bleh, I say.

Cena and Coachman (then the tag division, then Umaga) = Yawn.

Joey Mercury loses to another Hardy – why is the injured guy fighting both Hardys? Shouldn’t Nitro have a match since he’s the healthy one? BTW, another thing that has been bugging me as of late — heels always break the rules; they don’t listen to officials. Why is it when a ref tells the heel at ringside that the heel is to leave, the heel actually listens? Why not just flip off the ref and stay at ringside – or hell, just hide under the ring?

I started Monday thinking I would be purchasing the Royal Rumble, but after the go-home edition of Raw my Royal Rumble purchase may be in question.

WWE Raw: The Go Home Edition

Survivor Series is around the corner full of traditional elimination matches. It’s got the old school wrestling fan in me interested. The opening promo on Raw with all the teams meeting and showing that they are actually teams.

I quite liked the Royal Rumble reference by Shawn Michaels and was hoping that the resolution to all the wrestlers in the ring would be a Raw Royal Rumble similar to the SmackDown! Royal Rumble and the PPV. Just have all the wrestlers involved in one giant match. It’s a bit risky, but could have been a good 10PM main event.

VKM and his lovefest for DX? No scowl or anger for DX when announcing that DX will be in a match tonight? I guess all is forgiven since Vince gets to keep so much of the t-shirt sales. (Why not mention that every time DX shills for DX that they are effectively creating a revenue stream for Vince?)

Sabu vs. Umaga – quite the unusual match up.
Sabu with a good match and can easily withstand the loss. I still don’t think of Umaga as a main eventer, but some one has to be. Quite the grill on Umaga – maybe Cryme Tyme can still his teeth.

Masters vs. Lawler + Torrie Wilson
Wow, who writes Masters’ dialog? Carlito the rescue. Their old feud may return. Penis jokes? Par for the course. So Carlito is helping Torrie out of the ring and misses the Titantron image of Masters coming up from behind him. Lawler to the rescue? This is getting odd. What next? Will Todd Grisham save John Cena? Maybe.

Backstage segments:
Nitro and Melina + Grisham – bleh.
Kenny’s the break out star and he can actually talk. Ron “I was the first black WCW Champion, remember?” Simmons and Flair. Interesting.

IC Ladder Match – Why do they explain the rules? It’s not like a TNA Reverse Battle Royal/Tournament + Hot Dog Eating Contest no mustard allowed match.

Excellent spot with Nitro’s standing drop kick to Hardy on the top of the ladder. It’s one of the crazier ladder spots in recent memory (aside from Shelton Benjamin and his MITB match). After hearing some of the commentary on this match, I think Lawler and JR could be replaced with their video game counterparts and no one would know – just create a soundboard with their voices.

Jeff Hardy wins round three. I think this match proved a toughness to Nitro that I didn’t think he had in him. These two didn’t phone it in – very impressive ladder match. That could have been a main event match – maybe these guys will eventually be in that scene.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Spirit Squad Guy
Dusty heals faster than Wolverine out there. His leg was attacked the entire match, yet he can do his dance. Sorry, Spirit Squad guy.

Backstage: Rated RKO, Maria, and Cryme Tyme.
I’m not sure what the hell happened to the writing, but so far, it’s a good show. It looks like this week the WWE acknowleged the WWE Tag championships and the division. A future storyline with Rated RKO as champs with the face challengers Cryme Tyme? Nah.

Lita could have just had her rant without the blindfold match. So she’s leaving. The division gets smaller and smaller by the day. Considering there’s hardly a division, maybe Lita will just take the title with her.

Captains vs. Captains match.
The faces go over (terrible idea) on the tv show and it ends with an all out brawl. maybe there shouldn’t have been a clean finish and just the brawl.

Decent show overall.

WWE No Mercy 2006

Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms
I thought the tag team match-up would be a better choice for an opener. NC’s own Matt Hardy didn’t seem to start the show with the right pop for a PPV. The two guys fought it out like heavyweights. The top rope Shining Wizard was a very nice “Wow” moment. A Twist of Fate gets the win. The Cruiserweight championship stays with the longest reigning champion. At least these two were on a PPV. Lots of “Hardy-love” from the WWE; first Jeff wins the IC championship, then Matt gets a PPV win in his home state. Crazy.

King Booker and William Regal
Booker puts over his competition and plays his character to a T. Give this man an Emmy award.

The WWE Tag Team Championship:
Kendrick and London vs. Stevens and James with Michelle McCool.
Sounds like the Zack Attack wrote the music for the Stevens and James team. Kendrick and London fight like cruiserweights. How odd. Perhaps they could be competing in the cruiserweight division? [On an aside, I really think that the WWE should treat the divisions the same way the UFC does. Cruiserweights never fight Heavyweights. That’s how it should be.] James and Stevens remind me of the Midnight Express. They’re unlikable – the strut was a good way to get heel heat.

Someone please come up with another format for tag team matches, please. No more face in peril. No more! Hell of a finish, tho. I may have to start watching SmackDown! again.

Regal searches backstage for something.
I get it. Booker is the king. Finley is the knight. Regal is the jester.

Miz and his “Terry Taylor Starter Kit.” Excellent shot by JBL on the Miz. Is this guy a face? I got a great idea. Book him in a feud with the Boogeyman for 12 months. That way, everyone will know that it’s time for a bathroom break.

MVP’s intro is quite cool. He’s got his own entrance balloon thing and pyro columns. The suit is unique. Odd, but unique. Marty Garter – the superstar of superstars. Quite the challenge for MVP. I believe that was the overdrive for his finisher. It is one of the most unimpressive finishers in wrestling today.

WTF? They’re making matches backstage? What is this, an episode of SmackDown!? Yes. It is a $40 SmackDown! episode. Regal vs. Vito, tonight!

Ken Kennedy vs. Undertaker:
I really wish they would change the U.S. title belt to the classic one that Magnum T.A. used to wear. Much classier. The match was a slow, hard, hitting match up. A very nice brawling style by both men. Did anyone notice the Undertaker putting his foot on the rope instead of kicking out strongly against Kennedy at one point? The Deadman sold amazingly well for Mr. Kennedy. That stiff boot to the face by Kennedy to the Undertaker looked like it hurt like hell.

A piledriver?! Holy macaroni. I thought that move was outlawed. I assume that move was approved by management. Taker must have some kind of confidence in Kennedy to allow him to attempt such a move.

I am surprised at the duration of this match. Kennedy has gone toe to toe with the Undertaker for over 20 minutes. A DQ? On PPV? Yep. A DQ keeps Kennedy strong with a win. Kennedy will go on and on that he beat the Undertaker on a PPV.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero w/ Vickie Guerrero
Why won’t this feud go away? This match looks like it is going to be in the “Don’t Try This At Home” footage eventually. Two cruiserweights fighting like heavyweights once again. This was an amazingly brutal match with a very nice finish. It only took one ref to restrain Rey Mysterio? Chavo’s shoulders weren’t quite down, but that’s okay. What now for Chavo and Rey?

I hear John Cena is in a movie. When did this happen?

Regal vs. Vito.
The match to cool the crowd between the Rey/Chavo and the Main Event.

Regal vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Much better match! This is a very pleasant surprise. Hopefully Chris Benoit will follow up this performance with a run at the World Heavyweight Championship. It’s time for Chris Benoit to main event again. Some very nice chain wrestling by both Benoit and Regal. It’s always nice to watch a technical wrestling match on a PPV. That apron DDT spot is always sick.

This is an excellent PPV match. These guys were pulling out moves that I haven’t seen in years. A bloody, stiff, and excellent match-up. It’s one of the stiffest match I’ve seen in a while.

The Court Convenes:
Finley is becoming a face by accident. Court’s adjourned.

Dave and Bobby Bond:
These kids are like the Rock and Steve Austin when it comes to promos in that opposite kind of way. What’s with Dave’s Chuck Palumbo-like beard?

Fatal Four Way for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Batista’s got a new ring entrance thing: the helicopter spin. King Booker does not look like a happy man. Finley is coming out looking like a star in this feud. He’s just beating up everyone. The four-way match protects the young Lashley. He’s starting to grow as a wrestler and his matches with Finley have been helpful for his maturing.

For a second, it appeared as if Finley was about to win the World Championship. Batista with the Jackhammer – not bad. If Goldberg isn’t using it, why not Batista? Batista then used the spear on Lashley. Maybe he was watching some Goldberg matches on WWE 24/7 for inspiration.

Maybe Lashley should unveil an F5. How did Batista get busted open? Impressive belly to belly throw by Lashley on Batista. I really thought the Bookend was the end of the match. I was wrong. Seeing Booker and Lashley go back and forth is giving us a sneak peek as to the original PPV main event. Batista apparently buys spinebusters in bulk. Lashley’s spear on Batista was massive. I’m glad that King Booker won in a way that kept everyone strong. He looks like a weak champion since Batista did the dirty work. Lashley knocked out Batista and Finley had an all-around good match. Decent main event. OK PPV.

SummerSlam 2006

SummerSlam is upon us and I really have no interest in paying for this pay-per-view.

As I was driving my car listening to Metalingus by Alter Bridge (Edge’s theme), I realized I want to see a couple of the matches on the card. I don’t care about the Rey/Chavo storyline. I’m sure the two will put on an excellent match, but I can always watch their No Way Out Cruiserweight Championship Match (the same No Way Out where Eddie become WWE Champion) if I want to see them wrestle.

DX vs. The McMahons – I’ve got some words for you: I don’t care. I understand that “Mr. McMahon” is a character and will have feuds from time to time, but I have no interest in watching Vince wrestle. I would rather Vince act as a manager of sorts where he sends out wrestlers to take on other wrestlers.

Hogan vs. Orton: The Second Legend vs. Legend Killer match for SummerSlam (last year was Taker vs. Randy). Orton had a decent match against Taker and had a great match against Chris Benoit (but then again, Benoit could wrestle a broom) but I don’t think he can get a good match out of Hogan. It will be a punch, kick, rest-hold-fest that I don’t want to watch. I expect Orton to prevail since he’s got a 2 SummerSlam win-streak and I also expect Hogan is willing to do the job for the promotion of his daughter.

The “I Quit” match, bleh. I know these guys can go and have a brutal match, but once again, my interest is low. Foley’s promos have been excellent – but once again, these guys are old enough to start their own stables. These stables could fight. Foley’s Stuntmen vs. Flair’s Non-horsemen.

I’m only interested in the championship matches considering it determines the main storylines on the shows. I’ve been enjoying seeing Edge as WWE Champion and I think Cena is doing well as the babyface challenger chasing the heel champion. (BTW, I think Edge should retain because that guy is getting great heel heat and looks like he could lose to any challenger. Once again, he reminds me of Ric Flair as a mouthy, chicken, heel.) Since SummerSlam is in MA and Cena’s the hometown boy (plus he’s the WWE’s golden boy) I expect Cena to win his 3rd WWE Championship.

I’ve enjoyed King Booker’s reign as well. He had me cracking up when he was on commentary duty last week and I hope he keeps the king character for a bit longer. The King’s Court is a good loose heel stable which gives purpose to matches. (Such as if someone has a problem with Booker, they go through his court first. It separates the challenger from the champion).

Show vs. Sabu can be pretty good – and I’m sure I’ll get my fill through free recaps on ECW.

So that’s my look at SummerSlam 2006.

The Upcoming Great American Bash

Because I should be studying, I’ve decided to write about the Great American Bash (“GAB”).

This Sunday night, WWE is presenting the Great American Bash with its SmackDown! brand. The Great American Bash has easily become one of the worst pay-per-views of the year in its short WWE existence. GAB featured Eddie Guerrero losing the title in a gimmick match thanks to Kurt Angle and also featured the demise of Paul Bearer using a cement truck. Last year, Batista headlined GAB and it had a DQ finish on a PPV. A DQ finish on a show that costs money. That is unacceptable.

I remember when the Great American Bash was a big PPV for WCW. I may be wrong, but it seemed like the GAB was the 2nd most important PPV for WCW (next to Starrcade). I remember watching Sting finally defeating Ric Flair for the NWA World’s Heavyweight Championship as it happened. I used to look forward to these shows.

WWE has managed to destroy the Great American Bash name. Also, I have no idea how a PPV with that title fairs in the international market. I am not going to order the PPV, but I’ll make a few predictions.

Predictions for GAB 2006:
The Main Event:
Rey Mysterio will retain the championship. Every other columnist has Rey losing so the WWE can get the title back on Batista at SummerSlam by defeating Booker T. I find this highly unlikely for the reason the WWE isn’t that smart. It would make sense to push the feud between Booker and Batista since they had that fight while promoting SummerSlam. It would make sense for a loud-mouth, arrogant heel to face off with the top face on Friday Night SmackDown! That’s why I think the WWE is going to screw up. It’s too logical and intelligent. The WWE’s style is to fly in the face of logic. They could quite possibly turn Rey heel to confuse the masses and ruin his marketability. That sounds more like the WWE to me.

In the alternative, if Rey does lose, I expect Chavo to cost him the title and have Rey feud with a returning Chavo while Batista chases the title once again.

Other Matches:
Batista vs. Ken Kennedy
Originally, it was meant to be a #1 Contender’s match. I am not sure if that stipulation is still involved with Mr. Kennedy substituting. I expect Batista to go over cleanly considering Ken couldn’t even beat Matt “When was the last time I was on a PPV?” Hardy. What chance does Kennedy have against Batista?

Here’s how it should go down: Kennedy gets himself DQ’ed by choking Batista with that hanging microphone wire. Then we find out that Kennedy has a buddy in the production truck who let that happen. Batista saves himself, flattens Kennedy, and looks strong. Kennedy looks strong with a crazy performance and he didn’t lose via pin or submission.

Here’s how it will go down: Kennedy has limited success with offense before the Batista bomb lays him out in a match that will go under 10 minutes (excluding the intros).

Beyond that, I don’t care about the rest of the card.

Take it easy, readers.

For non-wrestling entertainment jibber-jabber, take a listen to my podcast at killingtime.tv