WrestleMania 23 Predictions (by Audrey).

WrestleMania Predictions (by my dog).

Instead of giving you a standard WrestleMania prediction column, I am going to shake things up. I asked my dog, Audrey, to chose the winner of each match of WrestleMania 23. How do you ask a dog to choose? Well, a simple and unscientific method was necessary. I took a memo pad, wrote the name of the competitors on opposite sides of the paper (I consistently placed champions on the left side of the paper). Then I placed a dog treat under each person’s name. Audrey sat and watched. I told her to “pick one.” The first one she chose, I figured was the one she picked. Let’s get to it:

Batista vs. Undertaker: Audrey’s pick — Undertaker. I agree with the dog. I think she picked a winner. Undertaker’s undefeated streak is something I don’t think will be broken — especially by someone as old as Batista.

John Cena vs. HBK: Audrey’s pick — John Cena. Another situation where I agree with the dog. This will be an excellent match because HBK will get the best out of Cena. Also, Cena can really tell a story. Cena is McMahon’s golden boy and should win. (I think Cena is undefeated at ‘Mania, too. Why should he start losing now?).

Lashley vs. Umaga: When I wrote on the paper “McMahon | Trump,” Audrey picked McMahon. I was shocked by this pick. I gave her another go. I wrote “Lashley | Umaga.” Then she picked Lashley. I figured she picked McMahon because she though McMahon would lose his hair. So far, I agree with every pick she made.

Money in the Bank: Audrey’s Pick — CM Punk (2nd Pick: Edge). This was a shocker. I took note of her 2nd pick because of the amount of competitors in this match. I don’t believe that CM Punk will win, but then again, I didn’t think that Lashley would be ECW Champion so early in his career. I figure Edge will win again because he’s got the 2nd most high profile WrestleMania undefeated streak.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed: Audrey’s Pick — New Breed. No one in my house picked the ECW Originals to win. I asked my wife about the match and she didn’t know 6 out of 8 of the competitors. I asked, “Do you think that the WWE will let RVD win in his home state of Michigan?” She answered, “No. New Breed will win, then.”

Melina vs. Ashley: I feel bad for a lot of wrestlers that are not on the card (Ric Flair, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, Johnny Nitro, Kenny Doane, Chavo, Kendrick and London, Jimmy Yang, Greg Helms, and maybe William Regal) while Ashley has a championship shot. We all know that Mickie James or Victoria should get the title shot because they can actually wrestle. Audrey’s pick — Melina. I agree with Audrey, I think that Melina should win, but I think that Ashley will win because it will continue the feud to Unforgiven.

Kane vs. Khali: Audrey’s pick — Kane. I found this pick surprising since it is rumored that Kane is going to take some time off after WrestleMania. Maybe Audrey thinks that the WWE will let Kane have a win and then take some time off. I figure that Khali will win because the WWE always screws Kane.

Benoit vs. MVP: Audrey’s pick — Chris Benoit. I guess Audrey does not see a lot of title changes for this WrestleMania. I figure that Benoit is repeating his role as temporary U.S. champion (he lost the title to JBL last year, why not lose it again to MVP?). I’m picking MVP.

That’s it for WrestleMania Predictions. Even though it doesn’t seem like the best WrestleMania card ever, I think it will be a fun show where every wrestler performs their best. This is WrestleMania — the biggest PPV of the year. There will be some great wrestling, some great mania, and plenty of fun.

Quick Monday Night Raw Review:

Just got done watching a pretty good Monday Night Raw. The WWE has been doing very well leading up to WrestleMania — they go right back to basics. It’s odd how just creating competition (for a title or the Money in the Bank match) is a great way to create good wrestling matches.

The conflict within Rated RKO was interesting, but you knew that Edge was going to win once you saw the combatants in the Last Chance (Raw Only) Battle Royale. The battle royale match itself was quite good and Edge showed himself to be a very entertaining heel when he won. The match almost definitely cemented the Ric Flair versus Carlito showdown for ‘Mania as well.

The Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton match was also a fun preview of the Money in the Bank match. The DQ finish was a nice way of keeping both competitors strong and Hardy’s over the ladder legdrop was quite the sight.

I like the WrestleMania Reversal Matches. Granted, we only had one this episode, but it’s still a great concept.

The HBK-JBL (that’s a lot of initials) encounter was good for what it was — a device to get audio for the spectacular video package that will air right before Raw’s Main Event of HBK vs. Cena.

The Benoit-Cena match was very good and told a story as well. While I was hoping for a DQ finish or something other than Benoit losing cleanly, the ending was well booked with Cena using a take-down to get Benoit in position for the STFU.

The Battle of the Billionaire angle was pretty predictable, but was nonetheless entertaining. Vince’s yelling that he was symbolically shaving the heads of those who booed him was odd and showed that he was a bit demented and strange leading up to the WrestleMania match.

Also, it looks like the end of the Masterlock Challenge. I didn’t think that Masters was going to be successful against another brand’s champion (even if that brand is ECW). Lashley was believable as the first person to break out of Masters’ challenge (although my wife did ask why didn’t anyone just kick their way out – either by kicking low or stomping on Masters’ foot).

Melina’s angle with Ashley was served well via Candice Michelle. Melina’s a bit like the mean popular girl in high school — at least in the way she acts.

Overall, a pretty good show. Great ending with the announcement of the No Way Out rematch of Cena-HBK vs. Batista & Undertaker. Conflicts a plenty in that match.

RAW: Pre-Royal Rumble

I watched most of the show in fast-forward (I had recorded it while I watched 24). Even in fast-forward the show was too long and drawn out.

Raw started out with a bang with a good HBK and Edge promo leading up to a street fight. If Edge wasn’t in this storyline, I probably wouldn’t care about it. The street fight was pretty good with some painful looking spots. It lead up to a Randy Orton run in to save Edge followed by a series of events reminding us that the Royal Rumble was coming up this Sunday. Plenty of people were thrown over the top rope with HBK standing tall after superkicking everybody in sight.

Face champ + Heel boss? I’m pretty sick of this combo. It worked a couple of times, but a change would be nice. The Vince promos must stop. He wanted to read a letter? That is the promo? Bleh. Bleh, I say.

Cena and Coachman (then the tag division, then Umaga) = Yawn.

Joey Mercury loses to another Hardy – why is the injured guy fighting both Hardys? Shouldn’t Nitro have a match since he’s the healthy one? BTW, another thing that has been bugging me as of late — heels always break the rules; they don’t listen to officials. Why is it when a ref tells the heel at ringside that the heel is to leave, the heel actually listens? Why not just flip off the ref and stay at ringside – or hell, just hide under the ring?

I started Monday thinking I would be purchasing the Royal Rumble, but after the go-home edition of Raw my Royal Rumble purchase may be in question.

Nitro and Melina: The Greatest Promo Ever?

Last Monday night on Raw, the world witnessed an event of epic proportions. That event was the Johnny Nitro and Melina press conference promo.

The promo reminded me of that infamous Jackie Gayda & Chris Nowinski vs. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus. Watching both, I felt a sense of amazement. I could not believe my senses. I was truly witnessing history. This could be the worst promo I have ever seen in my years of watching professional wrestling.

At first, I was intrigued with the idea of a press conference segment. Hey, that’s new – maybe WWE Creative saw that podium sitting in the truck and thought, “Hey! Let’s mix the paparazzi with the podium. It’s a (dramatic pause) press (pause) conference! Yes!”

Then Nitro started talking. I couldn’t tell if what he was saying was scripted or not. I hope to all that is good that the promo was not scripted. Perhaps the WWE sent young Johnny out there with some bullet points. He rambled on without direction for a while. I sat there confused. What exactly was the point of this promo?

Then Melina got on the mic. Melina can talk – she just sounds like a snotty cheerleader. Then it happened. Nitro sucked the promo-power right from Melina. Melina was also without direction, babbling, rambling, stumbling, bumbling, and other words.

The announcers even were questioning the promo – but not in that storyline kind of “What is going on here?” – way. JR wondered aloud. What was the point of this “press conference?”

Eventually, the promo was over and the world continued. Since even JR was trashing the thing, maybe the WWE will actually figure out some things from the greatest promo ever.

Promo-time is a good thing. It gives the wrestlers time to create a character. Promos by people who need practice are best left for the studio or house shows (hey, the wrestlers practice matches there. Why let them try out material on the road?). Studio promos benefit from editing magic. And if a guy can’t really talk – do one of two things. Approach One: Get them an old-school manager. Johnny can’t talk? Set him up with Armando. Approach Two: nWo editing. The nWo promos were cutting edge with weird camera angles, etc. Just cut together a bunch of clips of scripted lines as a single promo (maybe a voice over of training or action clips) and the wrestler gets over without looking like a fool.

The NM press conference could have been a nice little video segment. Here’s how I would re-tool it. They could take questions from the press or fans – fake e-mails or something. Hell, if the WWE is smart, they could spin this into some kind of rambling podcast or video segment that airs on WWE.com, iTunes and Raw.

Truly, this was the greatest promo ever. And by great, I don’t mean good – great also means: “being such in an extreme or notable degree.” Thanks, dictionary.com.

Monday Night Raw: August 21st Edition

Edge opens the show with a new tile belt. I was hoping the Undisputed WWE Championship belt was coming back, but the Rated R championship looks alright. I’d rather not see Jeff Hardy in the main event scene, but at least he’s got (say it with me) direction.

The Bearded Idiots vs. The World Tag Team Champions, Spirit Squad
The USA chant was a bit odd since Duggan’s own teammates are supposed to be from Scotland. The Spirit Squad’s tag team maneuvers are refreshing. Nothing like a team acting like a team. Kenny still looks like he’ll be the break out superstar of the group. I’m sick of the face in peril tag team match scenario. How about some back and forth action? How about finding out that one team member is a better wrestler than the other? The double slingshot reverse suplex finisher – I’ll call it the Highlander Leveler.

Informercial vs. Edge
The Bowflex, McMahon DVD and the Marine movie poster? Alright.

Orton whines about losing to an old man. Then he is going to take on another old man (BTW, didn’t Flair and Orton already feud with Orton winning in his failed face turn?). Carlito vs. Orton – now that’s cool. Maybe Carlito can teach Orton a thing or two in the ring.

DX and the New Triple H (Where the three H’s stand for Ha! Ha! Ha!). So H is harassing his father in law? It’s odd seeing HBK as a sidekick. Nothing like vandalism by two guys who are fathers. Hey, howabout some wrestling. I’d like to see some wrestling.

Trish Stratus had a good showing against Victoria. A match that made Trish look strong – what a great idea. Trish has been booked weakly recently and she needs this kind of match. I’m glad the McMahons didn’t interrupt the match.

I thought DX had vandalized the WWE headquarters a month ago. Vince is hurt. Poor guy.

“You called me Vince” Segment with Mick Foley.

10PM Main Event: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy:
Why does Hardy have pyro? Is the WWE serious about this guy again? Edge gets heel heat on demand (he called for the crowd to boo him and they did). The Cena-Edge brawl, while predictable was fun. I enjoy that the WWE lets the main event guys go beyond the ring. I’m aware this kind of stuff was done before (with the Rock and Stone Cold) but it hasn’t been done for a while. After watching Edge get thrown into that body of water I thought – now that’s a champion. A heel champ should get his ass kicked. Cena is very good as an intense face and challenger. His title reigns should be kept short to keep him popular just like the Rock.

Kane vs. Nitro turned into Umaga vs. Kane. I assume that Kane spitting up blood was a work as the show would probably cut away if Kane was really injured.

Aside: The quality of commercials since Raw is back on USA is much better. The lack of energy drink and crappy video game commercials is very nice.

Diva Bathroom Break

The Marine Trailer: I’ve actually watched this on WWE.com. It’s over the top and could be a dumb action movie. That being said, it’s been a while since there’s been a dumb action movie so I think The Marine might not suck. Maybe I’ll cover it on my podcast, Killing Time. (Cheap plug).

Ric Flair vs. Orton. Ric Flair has already cemented himself as the greatest wrestler of all time. In his old age, he’s still having amazing matches. The fact that I’ve seen a Ric Flair ladder match and two hardcore matches shows Flair’s commitment to wrestling. He is a legend in the business and does not need to be a full time wrestler. Ric Flair at his age is still better than probably 80% of the roster. Orton needs to expand his moveset and borrow some of Carlito’s charisma. BTW: Anyone else notice that 3/4 of the Evolution members are now faces?

Kiss My Ass Segment = Main Event? I hate when a segment is the main event instead of a wrestling match. I assume that Melina will turn on Mick and allow Mick to turn face. (I wrote that at 10:53 PM EST). It would be interesting to see Vince act as a guy who runs the company. Vince should be a man who is forced to deal with crap since Vince would rather see some green than personal vendettas being handled. I say this because Vince would be an idiot to fire Melina – she’s money in the bank. So Foley kissed McMahon’s ass. Now what? Yup, the Melina turn.

Raw ends on a sour note. Bleh. This segment should have been the 10PM main event and the WWE Championship storyline should be the true main event. Looks like the WWE Creative was watching American Graffiti and not Mythbusters when they showed the axle being removed from that vehicle by a chain. Mythbusters proved that such a thing was impossible.

Vince screams like Mumm-Ra of ThunderCats.