WrestleMania 23 Predictions (by Audrey).

WrestleMania Predictions (by my dog).

Instead of giving you a standard WrestleMania prediction column, I am going to shake things up. I asked my dog, Audrey, to chose the winner of each match of WrestleMania 23. How do you ask a dog to choose? Well, a simple and unscientific method was necessary. I took a memo pad, wrote the name of the competitors on opposite sides of the paper (I consistently placed champions on the left side of the paper). Then I placed a dog treat under each person’s name. Audrey sat and watched. I told her to “pick one.” The first one she chose, I figured was the one she picked. Let’s get to it:

Batista vs. Undertaker: Audrey’s pick — Undertaker. I agree with the dog. I think she picked a winner. Undertaker’s undefeated streak is something I don’t think will be broken — especially by someone as old as Batista.

John Cena vs. HBK: Audrey’s pick — John Cena. Another situation where I agree with the dog. This will be an excellent match because HBK will get the best out of Cena. Also, Cena can really tell a story. Cena is McMahon’s golden boy and should win. (I think Cena is undefeated at ‘Mania, too. Why should he start losing now?).

Lashley vs. Umaga: When I wrote on the paper “McMahon | Trump,” Audrey picked McMahon. I was shocked by this pick. I gave her another go. I wrote “Lashley | Umaga.” Then she picked Lashley. I figured she picked McMahon because she though McMahon would lose his hair. So far, I agree with every pick she made.

Money in the Bank: Audrey’s Pick — CM Punk (2nd Pick: Edge). This was a shocker. I took note of her 2nd pick because of the amount of competitors in this match. I don’t believe that CM Punk will win, but then again, I didn’t think that Lashley would be ECW Champion so early in his career. I figure Edge will win again because he’s got the 2nd most high profile WrestleMania undefeated streak.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed: Audrey’s Pick — New Breed. No one in my house picked the ECW Originals to win. I asked my wife about the match and she didn’t know 6 out of 8 of the competitors. I asked, “Do you think that the WWE will let RVD win in his home state of Michigan?” She answered, “No. New Breed will win, then.”

Melina vs. Ashley: I feel bad for a lot of wrestlers that are not on the card (Ric Flair, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, Johnny Nitro, Kenny Doane, Chavo, Kendrick and London, Jimmy Yang, Greg Helms, and maybe William Regal) while Ashley has a championship shot. We all know that Mickie James or Victoria should get the title shot because they can actually wrestle. Audrey’s pick — Melina. I agree with Audrey, I think that Melina should win, but I think that Ashley will win because it will continue the feud to Unforgiven.

Kane vs. Khali: Audrey’s pick — Kane. I found this pick surprising since it is rumored that Kane is going to take some time off after WrestleMania. Maybe Audrey thinks that the WWE will let Kane have a win and then take some time off. I figure that Khali will win because the WWE always screws Kane.

Benoit vs. MVP: Audrey’s pick — Chris Benoit. I guess Audrey does not see a lot of title changes for this WrestleMania. I figure that Benoit is repeating his role as temporary U.S. champion (he lost the title to JBL last year, why not lose it again to MVP?). I’m picking MVP.

That’s it for WrestleMania Predictions. Even though it doesn’t seem like the best WrestleMania card ever, I think it will be a fun show where every wrestler performs their best. This is WrestleMania — the biggest PPV of the year. There will be some great wrestling, some great mania, and plenty of fun.

ECW: Monty Brown Arrives

A week after CM Punk lost his win streak, he needed help from Kelly Kelly to beat Matt Stryker? Maybe he ate Vince’s donut or something.

Monty Brown has been sort of repackaged as Maqrquis Cor Von. This kind of feels like back in the 80s when the WWE would never acknowledge an athlete’s past. I remember “the newcomer Harley Race” back when Harley Race came to the then-WWF.

Too bad they saddled Monty with lousy music. I didn’t watch TNA enough to know if he used an armbar finisher – I always thought he used the Pounce as his finisher. Also odd is that when Monty Brown was signed by the WWE, WWE.com had a statement that Monty Brown had been signed. Why publicize the fact you signed Monty Brown then go ahead and rename him?

Lashley promo? Well, he can only get better. His promo included Lashley explaining how a Triple Threat match works – I guess since it SciFi that may be necessary. Lashley needs a manager.

Elijah Burke can cut one hell of a promo. He should be Lashley’s manager.

The Sandman and Burke had a sloppy match and the finish looked weak. Burke needs some more time in the ring.

Lashley retained the championship using a running powerslam? Powerslam? What year is this? Decent match, although Lashley and RVD seemed lost at times. Surprisingly, Test was the star performer of the match. His offense looked solid, his selling was rather well done.

Looks like Test is ECW’s Triple H. I remember back when Raw ended a number of times with Triple H over the fallen champion yelling that he would be champion. Now Test is doing the same.

This show could have been a lot worse. I only watched it since I read that Monty Brown was debuting.

Monday Night Raw: August 21st Edition

Edge opens the show with a new tile belt. I was hoping the Undisputed WWE Championship belt was coming back, but the Rated R championship looks alright. I’d rather not see Jeff Hardy in the main event scene, but at least he’s got (say it with me) direction.

The Bearded Idiots vs. The World Tag Team Champions, Spirit Squad
The USA chant was a bit odd since Duggan’s own teammates are supposed to be from Scotland. The Spirit Squad’s tag team maneuvers are refreshing. Nothing like a team acting like a team. Kenny still looks like he’ll be the break out superstar of the group. I’m sick of the face in peril tag team match scenario. How about some back and forth action? How about finding out that one team member is a better wrestler than the other? The double slingshot reverse suplex finisher – I’ll call it the Highlander Leveler.

Informercial vs. Edge
The Bowflex, McMahon DVD and the Marine movie poster? Alright.

Orton whines about losing to an old man. Then he is going to take on another old man (BTW, didn’t Flair and Orton already feud with Orton winning in his failed face turn?). Carlito vs. Orton – now that’s cool. Maybe Carlito can teach Orton a thing or two in the ring.

DX and the New Triple H (Where the three H’s stand for Ha! Ha! Ha!). So H is harassing his father in law? It’s odd seeing HBK as a sidekick. Nothing like vandalism by two guys who are fathers. Hey, howabout some wrestling. I’d like to see some wrestling.

Trish Stratus had a good showing against Victoria. A match that made Trish look strong – what a great idea. Trish has been booked weakly recently and she needs this kind of match. I’m glad the McMahons didn’t interrupt the match.

I thought DX had vandalized the WWE headquarters a month ago. Vince is hurt. Poor guy.

“You called me Vince” Segment with Mick Foley.

10PM Main Event: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy:
Why does Hardy have pyro? Is the WWE serious about this guy again? Edge gets heel heat on demand (he called for the crowd to boo him and they did). The Cena-Edge brawl, while predictable was fun. I enjoy that the WWE lets the main event guys go beyond the ring. I’m aware this kind of stuff was done before (with the Rock and Stone Cold) but it hasn’t been done for a while. After watching Edge get thrown into that body of water I thought – now that’s a champion. A heel champ should get his ass kicked. Cena is very good as an intense face and challenger. His title reigns should be kept short to keep him popular just like the Rock.

Kane vs. Nitro turned into Umaga vs. Kane. I assume that Kane spitting up blood was a work as the show would probably cut away if Kane was really injured.

Aside: The quality of commercials since Raw is back on USA is much better. The lack of energy drink and crappy video game commercials is very nice.

Diva Bathroom Break

The Marine Trailer: I’ve actually watched this on WWE.com. It’s over the top and could be a dumb action movie. That being said, it’s been a while since there’s been a dumb action movie so I think The Marine might not suck. Maybe I’ll cover it on my podcast, Killing Time. (Cheap plug).

Ric Flair vs. Orton. Ric Flair has already cemented himself as the greatest wrestler of all time. In his old age, he’s still having amazing matches. The fact that I’ve seen a Ric Flair ladder match and two hardcore matches shows Flair’s commitment to wrestling. He is a legend in the business and does not need to be a full time wrestler. Ric Flair at his age is still better than probably 80% of the roster. Orton needs to expand his moveset and borrow some of Carlito’s charisma. BTW: Anyone else notice that 3/4 of the Evolution members are now faces?

Kiss My Ass Segment = Main Event? I hate when a segment is the main event instead of a wrestling match. I assume that Melina will turn on Mick and allow Mick to turn face. (I wrote that at 10:53 PM EST). It would be interesting to see Vince act as a guy who runs the company. Vince should be a man who is forced to deal with crap since Vince would rather see some green than personal vendettas being handled. I say this because Vince would be an idiot to fire Melina – she’s money in the bank. So Foley kissed McMahon’s ass. Now what? Yup, the Melina turn.

Raw ends on a sour note. Bleh. This segment should have been the 10PM main event and the WWE Championship storyline should be the true main event. Looks like the WWE Creative was watching American Graffiti and not Mythbusters when they showed the axle being removed from that vehicle by a chain. Mythbusters proved that such a thing was impossible.

Vince screams like Mumm-Ra of ThunderCats.