RAW: Pre-Royal Rumble

I watched most of the show in fast-forward (I had recorded it while I watched 24). Even in fast-forward the show was too long and drawn out.

Raw started out with a bang with a good HBK and Edge promo leading up to a street fight. If Edge wasn’t in this storyline, I probably wouldn’t care about it. The street fight was pretty good with some painful looking spots. It lead up to a Randy Orton run in to save Edge followed by a series of events reminding us that the Royal Rumble was coming up this Sunday. Plenty of people were thrown over the top rope with HBK standing tall after superkicking everybody in sight.

Face champ + Heel boss? I’m pretty sick of this combo. It worked a couple of times, but a change would be nice. The Vince promos must stop. He wanted to read a letter? That is the promo? Bleh. Bleh, I say.

Cena and Coachman (then the tag division, then Umaga) = Yawn.

Joey Mercury loses to another Hardy – why is the injured guy fighting both Hardys? Shouldn’t Nitro have a match since he’s the healthy one? BTW, another thing that has been bugging me as of late — heels always break the rules; they don’t listen to officials. Why is it when a ref tells the heel at ringside that the heel is to leave, the heel actually listens? Why not just flip off the ref and stay at ringside – or hell, just hide under the ring?

I started Monday thinking I would be purchasing the Royal Rumble, but after the go-home edition of Raw my Royal Rumble purchase may be in question.

WWE Raw: The Go Home Edition

Survivor Series is around the corner full of traditional elimination matches. It’s got the old school wrestling fan in me interested. The opening promo on Raw with all the teams meeting and showing that they are actually teams.

I quite liked the Royal Rumble reference by Shawn Michaels and was hoping that the resolution to all the wrestlers in the ring would be a Raw Royal Rumble similar to the SmackDown! Royal Rumble and the PPV. Just have all the wrestlers involved in one giant match. It’s a bit risky, but could have been a good 10PM main event.

VKM and his lovefest for DX? No scowl or anger for DX when announcing that DX will be in a match tonight? I guess all is forgiven since Vince gets to keep so much of the t-shirt sales. (Why not mention that every time DX shills for DX that they are effectively creating a revenue stream for Vince?)

Sabu vs. Umaga – quite the unusual match up.
Sabu with a good match and can easily withstand the loss. I still don’t think of Umaga as a main eventer, but some one has to be. Quite the grill on Umaga – maybe Cryme Tyme can still his teeth.

Masters vs. Lawler + Torrie Wilson
Wow, who writes Masters’ dialog? Carlito the rescue. Their old feud may return. Penis jokes? Par for the course. So Carlito is helping Torrie out of the ring and misses the Titantron image of Masters coming up from behind him. Lawler to the rescue? This is getting odd. What next? Will Todd Grisham save John Cena? Maybe.

Backstage segments:
Nitro and Melina + Grisham – bleh.
Kenny’s the break out star and he can actually talk. Ron “I was the first black WCW Champion, remember?” Simmons and Flair. Interesting.

IC Ladder Match – Why do they explain the rules? It’s not like a TNA Reverse Battle Royal/Tournament + Hot Dog Eating Contest no mustard allowed match.

Excellent spot with Nitro’s standing drop kick to Hardy on the top of the ladder. It’s one of the crazier ladder spots in recent memory (aside from Shelton Benjamin and his MITB match). After hearing some of the commentary on this match, I think Lawler and JR could be replaced with their video game counterparts and no one would know – just create a soundboard with their voices.

Jeff Hardy wins round three. I think this match proved a toughness to Nitro that I didn’t think he had in him. These two didn’t phone it in – very impressive ladder match. That could have been a main event match – maybe these guys will eventually be in that scene.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Spirit Squad Guy
Dusty heals faster than Wolverine out there. His leg was attacked the entire match, yet he can do his dance. Sorry, Spirit Squad guy.

Backstage: Rated RKO, Maria, and Cryme Tyme.
I’m not sure what the hell happened to the writing, but so far, it’s a good show. It looks like this week the WWE acknowleged the WWE Tag championships and the division. A future storyline with Rated RKO as champs with the face challengers Cryme Tyme? Nah.

Lita could have just had her rant without the blindfold match. So she’s leaving. The division gets smaller and smaller by the day. Considering there’s hardly a division, maybe Lita will just take the title with her.

Captains vs. Captains match.
The faces go over (terrible idea) on the tv show and it ends with an all out brawl. maybe there shouldn’t have been a clean finish and just the brawl.

Decent show overall.

Raw: Sept. 4th Edition

Tonight’s Raw had that “Raw before the PPV” feel.

The show opened with the WWE Champion, Edge, doing an excellent heel promo with a snazzy trailer video to put himself over. The segment was interrupted by John Cena who caught Edge (who jumped off a ladder) then FU’ed Edge through a table. Good promo, good segment, great intensity.

Jeff Hardy and his “Watching Paint Dry” Segment was quite good. It’s a bit of a stretch to set up a joke, but it was alright. The Hardy/Nitro match was way better than I expected. I think Hardy did an admirable job carrying Nitro. Nitro also unveiled some new moves like a standing moonsault and a nifty backbreaker-neckbreaker combo. I fully expect Jeff Hardy to win the IC championship at Unforgiven, btw.

There was some tag team stuff and the continuation of the DX/McMahons + Big Show storyline. I didn’t care for much of the DX stuff, but at least there was a tag team match with tag team moves being used.

The shock of the night was seeing a former SmackDown! Cruiserweight and ECW alum go over the WWE homegrown. I’m talking about the Super Crazy vs. Chris Masters match. It was a decent match and Super Crazy showed everyone the prettiest moonsault in the business.

It looks like Trish is going to go out as champion at Unforgiven – that’s the right thing to do. Additionally, that will bring uncertainty to the championship picture. Could there be a women’s championship tournament maybe open to all WWE divas (including SmackDown!)?

The main event for next week’s Raw is Vince vs. Triple H. I don’t know if that will push buyrates up or not. I thought Vince was shooting when he said he wanted to main event at MSG and now he will. Let’s hope that it will be the last time the 61 year old does this.

A six person tag match? Once again, seems like a device to use right before the PPV. It looks like Carlito is getting some passion out of Randy Orton. Orton is back to a more aggressive style (like when he was challenging for the IC championship a while back). Edge does a fantastic job selling for Carlito and just about anyone he is in the ring with. Here’s hoping he wins at Unforgiven so he’ll be an unsufferable bastard for weeks to come.

Did anyone else find it interesting to see Cena and Orton wrestle? Those two are supposed to be the future of the business (even though Cena is the present) and will probably end up headlining a WrestleMania one day.

Orton gets the win by RKO’ing Trish. The finish was a good way of protecting everyone.

All in all, a pretty good show. Surprisingly solid.

Nitro and Melina: The Greatest Promo Ever?

Last Monday night on Raw, the world witnessed an event of epic proportions. That event was the Johnny Nitro and Melina press conference promo.

The promo reminded me of that infamous Jackie Gayda & Chris Nowinski vs. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus. Watching both, I felt a sense of amazement. I could not believe my senses. I was truly witnessing history. This could be the worst promo I have ever seen in my years of watching professional wrestling.

At first, I was intrigued with the idea of a press conference segment. Hey, that’s new – maybe WWE Creative saw that podium sitting in the truck and thought, “Hey! Let’s mix the paparazzi with the podium. It’s a (dramatic pause) press (pause) conference! Yes!”

Then Nitro started talking. I couldn’t tell if what he was saying was scripted or not. I hope to all that is good that the promo was not scripted. Perhaps the WWE sent young Johnny out there with some bullet points. He rambled on without direction for a while. I sat there confused. What exactly was the point of this promo?

Then Melina got on the mic. Melina can talk – she just sounds like a snotty cheerleader. Then it happened. Nitro sucked the promo-power right from Melina. Melina was also without direction, babbling, rambling, stumbling, bumbling, and other words.

The announcers even were questioning the promo – but not in that storyline kind of “What is going on here?” – way. JR wondered aloud. What was the point of this “press conference?”

Eventually, the promo was over and the world continued. Since even JR was trashing the thing, maybe the WWE will actually figure out some things from the greatest promo ever.

Promo-time is a good thing. It gives the wrestlers time to create a character. Promos by people who need practice are best left for the studio or house shows (hey, the wrestlers practice matches there. Why let them try out material on the road?). Studio promos benefit from editing magic. And if a guy can’t really talk – do one of two things. Approach One: Get them an old-school manager. Johnny can’t talk? Set him up with Armando. Approach Two: nWo editing. The nWo promos were cutting edge with weird camera angles, etc. Just cut together a bunch of clips of scripted lines as a single promo (maybe a voice over of training or action clips) and the wrestler gets over without looking like a fool.

The NM press conference could have been a nice little video segment. Here’s how I would re-tool it. They could take questions from the press or fans – fake e-mails or something. Hell, if the WWE is smart, they could spin this into some kind of rambling podcast or video segment that airs on WWE.com, iTunes and Raw.

Truly, this was the greatest promo ever. And by great, I don’t mean good – great also means: “being such in an extreme or notable degree.” Thanks, dictionary.com.